~ The eight basic types of chain letters! (too funny) ~
Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please.... theyíll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you moron!!!
Something else! Quick!!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
Wasnít that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, hereís what Iíll do. First of all, if you donít send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be attacked by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of garbage. Itís true! Because, you know, THIS letter isnít like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Hereís how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*5-10 people: 5-10 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*10-20 people: 10-20 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*20 to 674,951 people: 20 to 674,951 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boyís life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Stupid Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of sewerage, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Stupid Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his girlfriend. They both died. Their families were so upset that everyone related to them (even by marriage) went crazy and pent the rest of their miserable lives in an institution. This Could Happen To You!!! Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be OK.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you have body odor,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though youíre disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after youíve soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be attacked by a mad goat and then thrown in a pile of garbage,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesnít speak much English, no sorry- thatís the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you donít, youíll be eaten by wild goats.
Chain Letter Type 5:
This e-mail is wicked-cool! It was started by Microsoft to test its e-mail tracking system because, you know, a big high-tech company like Microsoft always sends important new software out over the internet to be available to any moron who can operate a computer, right? Plus, they have formed a secret merger with Disney Corp., who has agreed to give up millions of dollars in revenue by giving everyone who reads this e-mail, passes it on, looks at it, knows someone that looked at it, or is related to someone who is a friend of someone who looks at it A FREE, ALL-EXPENSES-PAID TRIP to Disneyland, DisneyWorld, or EuroDisney! So pass this on to everyone you know that is gullible enough to believe this (or not)! Even if itís not true, hey- insulting all of your friends by implying that they are gullible by sending this to them is worth the improbable chance that you could go to Disneyland! Even if you lose all of your friends because they are tired of receiving this kind of junk from you, itís worth the chance, right? And just for good measure, if you donít send this on, Microsoft will send its specially trained attack-goats to pilfer your house and eat all of your family, SO SEND IT ON!!!!!
Chain Letter Type 6:
VIRUS WARNING!!! If you receive an email entitled ďBad times,Ē delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDís you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigeratorís coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It mixes antifreeze into your aquarium and puts dirty socks on the table when company is coming over. It uses your credit cards, forges your signature, and dates your boy/girlfriend. It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your mother-in-lawís number. It will make mad goats come into your home to raid your refrigerator and soil your furniture. So be careful! Forward this to all of your friends, relatives, neighbors, family, enemies, plumbers, garbage men, stock brokers, doctors, and any other acquaintances! Itís for their own good! Thank you.
Chain Letter Type 7:
Here is a cute picture I drew.
( / )
( / )
( /<> )
( / / )
( ) ( )
It is a decapitated angel. Send it on to all of your friends so it will brighten their day like it did yours! If you donít, demon-possessed goats will move into your house and eat all of your socks, leading you to believe that something is wrong with your washing machine because all of your socks keep disappearing. Have a nice day!!!
Chain Letter Type 8:
This is the funniest thing in the world! In exactly 87 seconds, you have to send this to 275 people, then if you press (space bar + tab + backspace + page up) a clip will pop up on your screen of a mad goat attacking Bill Gates and butting him into a pile of garbage! I couldnít stop laughing, even though since Iím typing this I obviously couldnít have seen it yet, and there is absolutely no way to attach a clip in a way that you have to send the email before you see the clip, itís still true! And you know what else is true? I am Batman! And if you stay online doing absolutely nothing for one hour after sending this, Iíll email you a gift certificate for five million dollars to spend at Wal-Mart! Just forget the fact that I have no way of finding the email addresses of people who send this out, and the fact that stores will recognize a fake gift certificate. Just send this out, youíll be glad you did!
Wasnít that a fun little anthology? Now, if you donít send this to anyone, guess whatíll happen to youónothing! But if you do decide to send this to some people, you might feel special for helping people to see the light and realize that chain letters arenít magical, theyíre just obnoxious. Maybe someday we can make all chainletters die the horrible death that some of them threaten us with. Now that a bunch of religious chainletters are appearing, iím just waiting for one that says that if you donít send this on, God will make lightening strike you, or angels will get sad and cry torrents of rain on your un-raincoated, un-umbrellaed head. So if you get something thatís funny and cool (like this ;-) ), send it, but if it turns out to be a threat or a guilt trip, just do the world a favor and delete it.
~ Yep.. I've received at least one chain latter of each type ^__^U...